5 comments on “Need Writing Advice on The Dragon Emperor Chapter 1

  1. Hello!

    I really enjoyed reading this! Your worldbuilding and situation set-up are on point and make me want to read the rest of the book (which is the ultimate goal!) I love the glimpses into your culture and the hints at your magic.

    For you MC: what I see of him in this I really like. He seems like an interesting character and I can already tell that I would love to read about him. I’m super intrigued to learn what happened between him and the ship, Odyssey. Some things with his personality just seem a little underdeveloped, is all.

    It’s a bit hard to pin down, but I think it has to do with that I don’t know what he’s feeling or why. Or rather, I don’t know the basis of his emotions. You say that he’s not afraid of the battle, but hint that he is afraid of something. But you don’t go into detail what that something is.
    (Another example would be when you say: “Now that the moment was upon him, though, he wasn’t so sure.” What isn’t he sure about? Killing his enemies, or does he simply doubt whether he is ready?)

    I can tell that he wants to fit in, and I can see glimmers of why he’s different than his family.
    But I think a bit more about why? Why does he feel sentiment towards these people? Perhaps because he can see them as people and not just blips on the screen? He obviously loves the challenge of battle, but has he ever had to kill anyone before? Is he afraid of that? Does he hate the feeling of war, even if he loves the challenge of it?

    I think it’s just about refining his thoughts and emotions to make it clear what he is experiencing (because he’s the POV character, what he experiences, so do we.)

    I hope this helps a little bit! I know how hard that first chapter can be (I think I’m on like the fifteenth revision of mine, or at least it feels like).

    Best of luck!

    • Thank you, Megann! Your analysis of what you think he might be feeling is spot on (wants to fit in but sentimental and not sure about killing). Should I spell it out at this point, though, or have it unfold through the story? I can certainly try giving a little more insight into his emotions without giving it all away right away. Thanks for reading and thanks for your input! :0)

      If you want someone to beta read your work, I’m available. My email is listed in the right column of this blog.

      • I think just having it a little more clear would help, though you definitely don’t want to dump everything in the first chapter. Just enough so that we clearly understand his emotions and conflict in this first scene. Im glad I could help a bit!

        And thank you! I’ll definitely keep your offer in mind for when I need beta readers! Though I’m a bit far from that stage at the moment 😂

  2. Chris here…. Maybe conversation earlier in the chapter. You have done a lot of “thought” but no conversations amongst them….even if it’s some thing light to show release of pent up anxiety or anticipation? C

    Sent from my iPad


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