8 comments on “Book Three Chapters 1 and 2 – 4th Rewrite

  1. Pingback: Book Three Chapter 3, 4th Rewrite | Fantasy/Sci-Fi Author Dawn Ross

  2. Pingback: Book Three Chapter Four, New Addition | Fantasy/Sci-Fi Author Dawn Ross

  3. Hi Dawn,

    I reviewed the rewrite you did on chapter 1 and it looks much better now. The simulation section was smooth and it made me think of the Star Trek movie when Captain Kirk beat the unbeatable scenario and became the only one to ever do so. 

    The cyborg introduction seemed better but since I hadn’t read the first book, it still placed questions in my mind. If that is one of your goals, then it’s working. Like I said in my other comments, that threat of his father turning Terk over to the cyborgs for a makeover is really onimous. I think if it was me being threatened like that, I would want to escape and run away. Such evil coming from his father really illustrates how snapped his has become. 

    If the cyborgs are such a “remedy” for incompetence, it makes me wonder why he hadn’t used the same remedy in the past instead of killing the ones that failed. But that is just me. Having someone aboard that had gone through that already would be a gruesome reminder to others that they would get the same fate.

    It is almost as if Terk’s father is goading him to try an assassination. Perhaps that will cross Terk’s mind in the future…

    I’ll be reviewing the rewrite of chapter 2 below.

    Quoting Fantasy/Sci-Fi Author Dawn Ross :

    > Dawn Ross posted: ” Another rewrite? Yes, another rewrite. I’ve been > stuck on the first 5 chapters of Book Three for some time. After > feedback from beta readers, I realized I needed to change a few > things in chapter 2 and insert two new chapters between 3 and 4. So > for ” > >

  4. Thank you Steven!!! I appreciate the feedback. And I’m glad this rewrite looks better. Regarding why they hadn’t used cybernetics before… that will become more apparent later.

  5. Pingback: Book Three Chapter 6, Next Draft | Fantasy/Sci-Fi Author Dawn Ross

  6. Pingback: Book Three Chapter 7, Next Draft | Fantasy/Sci-Fi Author Dawn Ross

  7. Pingback: Book Three Chapter 10, 2nd Draft | Fantasy/Sci-Fi Author Dawn Ross

  8. Pingback: Book Three Chapter 11, 2nd Draft | Fantasy/Sci-Fi Author Dawn Ross

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