2 comments on “The Kavakian Empire – Part One Chapter 10 Rough Draft

  1. Ooh, plot twist! Though how would Terk have been able to transmit a message without Jori hearing him if their ship was small? Maybe my understanding of the ship is off, but I was picturing a single “room” with multiple stations.

    I’m also walking away with a couple of questions: what’s up with these genetic enhancements? The term is kind of self-explanatory, but it got barely a mention and seems to be something that might have played a significant role in the empire’s history and development.

    Also, why would they be surprised that the boys have had lots of broken bones over an extended period of time? This is a barbaric warrior race… shouldn’t they expect something like that?

    I can’t help but wonder if the last line is something J.T. said to Zimmer before they had problems too…

    • Jori did know. He just didn’t say. Your understanding of the ship being a single room with multiple stations is correct. With the genetic enhancements, I was hoping to build on this more as the story progresses. Do you think I need to explain it a little more now or leave it a mystery to be revealed later? Also, I’m thinking that as a civilized race, they would still be surprised at all the broken bones because the boys are so young. From my own perspective, I know child abuse is real. But I would still be surprised, and even sick to my stomach, if I was presented with such evidence. Perhaps I could insert what I’ve just said as part of J.T.’s internal thoughts. Regarding J.T.’s comment to Captain Arden, I think I need to work on J.T.’s internal dialog there as well. Thanks again for all your input! 🙂

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