2 comments on “The Kavakian Empire – Part One Chapter 9 Rough Draft

  1. Firstly, I’m terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I know from the date that it was several months ago, but I can’t imagine how difficult things have been for you. *hugs*

    Secondly, I like that Jori displayed some of his offensive potential, even though it was only in passing contemplation. It demonstrated his mindset, his estimation of his own capabilities, as well as his love for his brother.

    Lastly, I’m wondering if it was a good idea for Calloway to be so openly hostile toward Jori. He’s obviously got some cunning to him because he’s subtly spreading ideas… wouldn’t it have been better for him to pretend to be just another good little solider and retain some element of surprise?

    • Thank you for that. I know you’ve been through something even more difficult. Loss is hard all around. Secondly, thanks for the feedback on Jori’s perspective. I’m trying hard not to reveal too much at once. I want him to be a bit of a mystery. Lastly, excellent point on Calloway. I should have him be less hostile, especially when he’s around his other crew members.

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