2 comments on “The Kavakian Empire – Part One Chapter 17

  1. So, it’s out. I can’t say I’m surprised, it only takes one overheard conversation or misspoken word to get news traveling. There are two things that jump out at me in this chapter, and the first is that it’s kind of convenient that Laren just happened to be a medical officer. This is just a thought, but think about the tension you could create, if a lower-level officer, or even a civilian on the ship (are civilians even on this ship..?) overheard the doctor talking at the entrance to sick bay, went back to his quarters, got this assassination attempt in his head, and went to a friend who has access to sick bay supplies. He gets the poison, fakes an illness to get into the room, and then goes for it. When word of his capture gets out, the friend who helped him get the supplies starts talking because his friend has been taken into custody and you’ve got the whole ship talking. Lots of tension to work with.

    The second thing is that this could be one of those alternate POV points for you, where you follow the would-be assassin for a chapter.

    I still like what this chapter establishes though – change. Everyone, Jori and J.T. included, might have been able to kid themselves into thinking this whole thing could be quiet and peaceful, but that’s gone now.

    • Excellent idea. I could really build tension with this part. I have a tendency to jump from scene to scene because I worry I’m giving too much information. But as a result, I don’t build up enough tension and my readers don’t get into the characters.

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