4 comments on “The Kavakian Empire – Part One Chapter 16

  1. This was a great sharing chapter, though it still felt disjointed, both within itself and in terms of the whole story. This chapter made me realize that another of the things we need to work on is the story’s overall tone and feel.

    • Yes, I’m having a hard time with Jori’s character. I know the person I want him to become but I’m having a difficult time making his transformation gradual. And he’s not all bad to begin with. I think in my attempt to create tension that made him seem too bad. And J.T.’s realization that he isn’t so bad after all happened too quickly. There is also the difficult matter of building Jori’s relationship with J.T. It has to seem real enough that the events in Part Two Emperor make sense.

      • So I know what I’m gonna ask is a total spoiler, but maybe if I have an understanding where you want Jori to end up, I’ll be able to help more with his development to that point… Does he end up being “bad”? Does he follow in his father’s footsteps or does he become more of an ambassador between the two races, or something totally different?

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