3 comments on “The Kavakian Empire Part One Chapter 1 – Revised

  1. I am SO SORRY that I’ve fallen so far behind with reading. I am the worst kind of friend, especially since you’ve been diligent in checking out my posts as they go up.

    I can tell you’ve put a lot of effort into working on the descriptions and it’s really paid off! There’s a much more definitive nature to each of the characters – physically and mentally – and J.D.’s newness to Capt. Arden’s crew is readily apparent. I love that the chapter starts right in the action.I also hadn’t made the connection between J.T.’s name and the original Star Trek, but once you pointed it out I kind of face-palmed. Probably a good call to change it. 😛

    One of the things that jumped out at me about the chapter is that I wish there were more detailed descriptions of the races. I think a sentence or two about physical description of each would help develop the mental picture without slowing down the pace. It also dawned on me on this read-through – would there be a language barrier between the Tredons, the Grapnes and the humans?

    • Thank you so much! I’ve fallen a little behind as well, but I still have the email alerting posts in my inbox and will get to it soon.

      Regarding the language barrier, I’ve thought about it and have decided that most people will can speak a general language. In Jori’s case, he will use a few foreign words, especially when he curses. Perhaps I should indicate the Grapnes spoke the universal language and it came across with an accent.

      Regarding added descriptions, I’ve decided not to go into too much detail. I’ve noticed some readers like a lot of detail while others like to fill in the blanks with their own imaginations. So for me, I like to just highlight one or two distinguishing traits. For Jori, I have to be careful because in my head, he’s Asian, but certain descriptions of Asians can be considered offensive.

      • I’ve been thinking more about the language issue. You’re right. I need to make it more clear that there are different languages in this universe. It makes sense to me that Jori would speak the universal language because he is intelligent and because there would be a benefit for him to being able to speak the language of his enemies. But J.D. couldn’t know this yet. I’ll fix this later. Thanks again!

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