2 comments on “The Kavakian Empire Part One Chapter 2 – Revised

  1. Loved the start – in the very first paragraph we get that Jori is on edge and prepared for anything. And to be perfectly honest, I kinda wanted him to deck the medic, just to get a glimpse of what he’s physically capable of. 😛

    One of the things I struggled with in this chapter was Jori’s gift. I remember from the first draft that he has a special ability that’s somewhat rare, but there’s not much distinction here when he relies on that ability vs. natural gut instincts. Maybe the ability needs a noteworthy secondary effect, like he gets an instant, mild headache, or he tingles all over? Just something to indicate that he’s getting more information than the average character would be able to.

    I like that J.D. stayed on the surface to investigate the crash site. Their roles and responsibilities are a little bit more compartmentalized in this chapter, and the coming bond between J.D. and Jori is a little less expected.

    • Thanks again! Jori’s ability is a tricky one, even for him. From his own perspective what he discerns on his own and what he senses are often one in the same. He doesn’t distinguish between the two unless it’s particularly obvious, such as with a strong emotion. Plus, sometimes he can’t even tell the difference between his own emotions and what someone else is feeling because the two get mixed up. This will become more apparent later. It will be difficult for the reader because it is difficult for Jori, and this could create a plot twist in the future. I see what you mean, though about making his ability more clear. I’ll have to think on it more.

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