2 comments on “The Kavakian Empire Part One Chapter 4 – Revised

  1. I really like the added tension between Jori and J.D. here, it further shows J.D.’s cautious curiosity and Jori’s unwillingness to trust, relax or reveal information. I feel like J.D.’s reaction to Jori asking if J.D. is his interrogator could be fleshed out a little more to be more telling of J.D’s character and his culture’s understanding of Jori’s. Does he laugh? Blanch? Become tempted to ask Jori what kind of things he’s endured?

    Also, for the healing beds, I’m picturing a person-size frame with a gel-like interior that a person would sink into, though not all the way. Is this the image you were going for?

    Loving the reworking so far! The extra editing and writing is working well for the story. 🙂

    • Thanks again! Excellent idea to expand on what J.D.’s understanding of what a Tredon interrogator might entail. Regarding the beds, I was sort of thinking of the sarcophagi used in the Stargate movie and TV series, except just beds with curved lids. Perhaps I should make this more clear.

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